Ouch.

There are times when you get hurt and it takes a while for the pain to register. The delayed “Ouch!” often seems pointless and silly. But then there are times when you get hurt and the pain is immediate and so intense it takes your breath away. I often get a nauseous feeling in my stomach with hot flashes of pain. My mind starts racing and trying to deal with these new sensations, trying desperately to get them to stop. This is how I react to intense physical and emotional pain. Thankfully I guess I usually just get one type of pain at a time, but nonetheless, it still hurts like the first time every time.

When pain is caused by something physical, it is usually a result of my own clumsiness which is easily remedied as long as I watch where I’m going. But emotional pain is a little trickier.

The worst is when you don’t know what you did to cause others to inflict hurt on you. You desperately try to rack your brain for something, anything. Some clue that maybe you missed that would have prepped you better for the onslaught of pain. Sometimes you realize what you’ve been blind to, but other times, you have no idea which makes the pain so much worse. During those times, I go back and forth between tears and anger. I want them to know how they made me feel and hurt them back, but considering how I was treated, they probably wouldn’t care no matter what I said or did. At least that’s what the angry part inside me says. The sad teary part is less vengeful and just wants to know why.

So to all the people who have hurt me, you suck. I’ll forgive you, but I’ll never forget how you made me feel.