I hate commitment of basically any kind. The only thing I have really ever committed to in my life is friendships. I mean I even hate signing apartment leases because it means I have live in a certain place for a predetermined amount time. And lets not even start on my lack/fear of commitment in relationships with significant others.
I guess I am just a free spirit through and through. I have never liked to be tied down to anything and therefore avoid commitment like the plague.
This also causes me to be a very indecisive person. Or maybe because I'm indecisive, it causes my fear/hatred of commitment. Either way, it's just how I've always been.
But if this is the case, how am I suppose to decide anything important in my life and commit to any changes? I think and think and think about something before actually making the decision which wastes a lot of time. I just can't seem to make big decisions any other way. I don't want to make the wrong decision.
So my indecisiveness and fear of commitment sometimes hold me back from things, but I don't know how to change it. I want to make major changes in my life and need to get around these things in order to make things happen. If not, I'm going to be stuck wondering 'what if' for a long time and I don't want to live like that.
Peace.
2.28.2010
2.18.2010
2.14.2010
Hawaiian love.
I recently returned from the great state of Hawai'i and wanted to share a few things I learned or noticed while there. So enjoy!
*14 lessons/fun facts about Hawai'i and my trip*
- Sand is a great exfoliant as it tends to get everywhere.
- Volcanic ash stains unless you use oxy-clean.
- Pineapple tastes 12 times better in Hawai'i (as with all fruit).
- Bars stay open until 4 am.
- Hawai'i has the longest yellow lights ever. (This blew my mind.)
- People in the military are cooler than you would expect.
- Hiking is better in Hawai'i because there are no snakes and very few bugs.
- Hona ho.
- It's possible to get kicked out of Cheesecake Factory...even on your birthday.
- Jellyfish can shut down things there just like a blizzard in the Midwest.
- Aloha means 'hello', 'good-bye', and 'I love you'. (How awesome is that?)
- Dirty Shirley's are delicious.
- Mostly all of the street names are crazy Hawaiian words which make traffic reports kind of hilarious.
- Australians are sloppy kissers.
There's more, so I'll try to add them as they come to mind....
2.01.2010
eeny meeny miny moe
I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life. There are at least 5 forks in the road that I could travel down but how do I know which one to pick?
Also, before I can even get to those paths it feels like there is a wall I have to get over or break through. Nothing like a challenge I guess.
Oh life, why do you have to be so difficult right out of the chute?
On a related note, the twenties seem to be living up to their overrated-ness. Wah-wah. At least not all expectations are let-downs.
Also, before I can even get to those paths it feels like there is a wall I have to get over or break through. Nothing like a challenge I guess.
Oh life, why do you have to be so difficult right out of the chute?
On a related note, the twenties seem to be living up to their overrated-ness. Wah-wah. At least not all expectations are let-downs.
1.27.2010
burning bridges...
The other day I was talking with my mother telling her that I was done with trying to reach out to a particular person. I had tried to engage in a conversation with this person and show interest but they didn't reciprocate, so I was done trying on my part. My mom responded to this in very typical mom fashion by telling me to not 'burn my bridges' so quickly because I might regret it one day.
I thought my feelings were justified so I was slightly offended by this. But if you know our mother/daughter relationship it really shouldn't have been too surprising that I would take offense. It did get me to think about the relationships I keep and the effort I put into them. Typically if you do me wrong, I'm done with you no questions asked and it's a very black and white situation. But that really isn't the case for some people. Some people get this huge gray area that I never realized I give out.
So really I feel I don't burn as many bridges as I probably should. There are certain people that I put up with so much from and forgive them so quickly. Why is this? Some relationships get so much more attention than others. I guess I look at the give/take ratio for most of them. But there are a few where the give part on my side is way greater than the take part. So why do I put up with this instead of burning those bridges and moving on?
I really don't know what the answer is to that question. I find it funny though with some relationships how I can be so sure and set on giving up on it and putting it in my past. I guess these quickly abandoned relationships are typically ones that never matured and went anywhere. And now they don't have that chance because I've decided to be done with them. I'm not even giving them a fair chance. But in reality, I feel everyone has to pick and choose what to put their energy into. There simply isn't enough energy and time to put equal amounts into every relationship I have. So therefore I pick and choose the ones most important to me or the ones that I think are the most important.
I do wish I could figure out a way to stop saving those relationships that don't necessarily deserve it though. Maybe one day I will be brave enough to burn those bridges but for some unknown reason I continue to put more effort into them than they really deserve. I guess some people have a stronger hold on me than I thought.
Peace.
I thought my feelings were justified so I was slightly offended by this. But if you know our mother/daughter relationship it really shouldn't have been too surprising that I would take offense. It did get me to think about the relationships I keep and the effort I put into them. Typically if you do me wrong, I'm done with you no questions asked and it's a very black and white situation. But that really isn't the case for some people. Some people get this huge gray area that I never realized I give out.
So really I feel I don't burn as many bridges as I probably should. There are certain people that I put up with so much from and forgive them so quickly. Why is this? Some relationships get so much more attention than others. I guess I look at the give/take ratio for most of them. But there are a few where the give part on my side is way greater than the take part. So why do I put up with this instead of burning those bridges and moving on?
I really don't know what the answer is to that question. I find it funny though with some relationships how I can be so sure and set on giving up on it and putting it in my past. I guess these quickly abandoned relationships are typically ones that never matured and went anywhere. And now they don't have that chance because I've decided to be done with them. I'm not even giving them a fair chance. But in reality, I feel everyone has to pick and choose what to put their energy into. There simply isn't enough energy and time to put equal amounts into every relationship I have. So therefore I pick and choose the ones most important to me or the ones that I think are the most important.
I do wish I could figure out a way to stop saving those relationships that don't necessarily deserve it though. Maybe one day I will be brave enough to burn those bridges but for some unknown reason I continue to put more effort into them than they really deserve. I guess some people have a stronger hold on me than I thought.
Peace.
1.26.2010
It's about time.
As much as I complain about the smallness of Sioux Falls, I may have to eat my words. Looks like networking in this small town may have paid off. Finally.
More to come as I learn more about this possible venture.
More to come as I learn more about this possible venture.
1.23.2010
A glimpse of the future?
I recently was told by two good friends that I would make a good cougar. Not the animal, but the middle aged woman who preys on younger men. This comment made me laugh a lot but I think they were mostly serious. I have also never seen two people agree on something so quickly.
They are pretty cute.
I can't really see myself preying on younger men as I tend to be attracted to older men nowadays. I guess my mentality could change, but there is just something wonderfully yummy about older men. But I digress...
I guess I'll take this as a somewhat compliment because cougars are usually pretty hot for being 40+. If I'm single in my 40's and looking good who knows maybe I'll try to snag a 20 something hottie.
Worked for Demi...
But alas I still have a solid 17 years before I am 40 and a lot can happen in those years...like becoming a puma when I'm 30 and working my way to a cougar status. (Just kidding folks.)
Stay classy kids!
Peace.
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