I don't know exactly how many days I've been unemployed, but it feels like forever. It was nice at first, but now I'm starting to think I'm losing valuable skills by basically sitting around everyday reading and filling out job applications. For example, talking sometimes is a struggle as of late. I have no other language to rely on, so I really need my English speaking skills to be above average or at least average. I have a friend who was out of the country for a while, so now when he tries to speak English sometimes certain words still escape him. To make up for this lack of vocabulary, he whistles and gestures to make his point and it usually works out for him. Crazy. I would do this, but alas, I still can't whistle. (I wonder if that is a skill I will ever pick up...)
So I apologize in advance if I have a conversation with you and struggle with my words. Just remember to give me a break because besides my roomie, Jude (my hipster jade plant) is typically who/what I talk to on a daily basis.
Therefore, I am going crazy. I desperately want to be doing something with my life or at least something relevant to living the life I desire. But the more I think about the life I desire, I wonder if I really even know what I want. Yes there are things I want to achieve but how do I want to spend all of that other time either leading up to or after those things. I tend to be someone who looks forward to the bigger things coming up in my life and ignore what's happening to lead up to those bigger things. I feel I am getting better at embracing the smaller things and learning to embrace more of the present situations I am in. But a part of me is always looking to the future and willing the time to go faster.
Deep breaths have become a big part of my life to try to counter these urges. Sometimes I like to just take a deep breath and really take in my surroundings. Other times I do it just to try and relax myself. But for whatever reason, I do it all the time now without realizing it; I just did it while typing this. It is my hope that it will help to focus on my surroundings more and really take in my life. Because these smaller moments and events are my life. Maybe not going to be the most memorable, but I am trying to be more conscious of it all which will hopefully help me to figure out what I want out of life, big and small moments combined.
I guess this time of not working has been a pretty good reflection time for myself and my overall focus. When I least expect it, something comes into my life and changes it. Whether positive or negative isn't important after a while because we deal with it either way. And that's life.
I like these...
'As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live' - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
And in the lyrical genius that is Jason Mraz...'go make your life, not a living'.
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