Thankful.

Sometimes all you need is a little good news and a sprinkling of kind words.

Today is a good day.

Living in the moment.

Yes, this past weekend a friend and myself just up and drove to Denver. We decided this at about 10:45 Thursday night, took 45 minutes to drive to our homes and pack a bag and were on the road by 11:30 pm. Now this wasn't completely spontaneous as we had talked about it the week before and my friend had checked to see if we could stay with her friends. But otherwise it was pretty stinkin' spontaneous.

It was such a freeing experience and I really needed it. I needed to just get away to a place where I didn't have to think. But did I feel twinges of guilt for just upping and going? Of course; I'm human and we are taught that doing selfish things like that are wrong. I pushed those feelings aside and just tried to enjoyed myself. I can't make anyone else in my life happy if I'm not happy and honestly the past month or 2, I have not been happy.

I've been trying to make changes to fix that, but as always, I'm a work in progress. So while the trip was great and I came back riding my spontaneous high, just a mere 3 days later I can feel myself drifting down right back to the place I was trying to escape. So I guess I just have to keep on and hope for the best.

101 update.

It's been a long time since I've updated my progress on my 101 in 1001. I'm happy to report that I knocked 5 more things off my list. Numbers 17, 51, 76, 94, and 97 are all history.

That being said, I still have 93 to go. Yikes.

here we go.

Some days are better than others. Some are really tough. It amazes me how much I am affected, but it is evident in the tears that I often have to fight back. Maybe I just need to let them out and have a good cry over it. But the waves of emotion are intense and I don't think a cry will help that. I feel weak and I hate feeling weak. And lets not even get started on the bouts of insomnia.

I know, or at least hope, it will all get better with time. It's just hard. I need some distractions.

Sunday was a day that I would not wish upon anyone. To be around that much emotion was a lot to take in. I guess it is comforting to know that others are going through the same thing, but still...I never thought I'd have to go through this. Life sure isn't fair sometimes.

Le sigh...

I have so many things going through my mind. I had a feeling June was going to be like this and it's turning out to be true.

This week is crazy and probably one of the toughest I've ever had to go through. I've been dreading it for so long and now it's here, so I just have to face it. Life sure sucks sometimes.

I'm hoping to get some good news this week to help balance everything, but trying not to desperately rely on it.

I'm on the edge.

Love her or hate her, I really don't care. I love this song.

Enjoy.

alone.

I've been pretty off my game these days. Normal actions feel forced. It's like I'm wandering around in the dark, going only by feel. Is this what the next 12+ months are going to be like?

I guess I just didn't expect to be affected so much. It's so hard when you see your family being affected in the same way. I really don't know how to handle the situation, but just try to keep it together because in my mind, I think that someone (i.e. me) has to be the strong one. But what happens when I crumble too? What if I'm not strong enough? Who's going to be there for me?

That's a scary thought. Sometimes I just feel so alone and don't know how to fill the void. Maybe it is time for a cat or something.