burning bridges...

The other day I was talking with my mother telling her that I was done with trying to reach out to a particular person. I had tried to engage in a conversation with this person and show interest but they didn't reciprocate, so I was done trying on my part. My mom responded to this in very typical mom fashion by telling me to not 'burn my bridges' so quickly because I might regret it one day.

I thought my feelings were justified so I was slightly offended by this. But if you know our mother/daughter relationship it really shouldn't have been too surprising that I would take offense. It did get me to think about the relationships I keep and the effort I put into them. Typically if you do me wrong, I'm done with you no questions asked and it's a very black and white situation. But that really isn't the case for some people. Some people get this huge gray area that I never realized I give out.

So really I feel I don't burn as many bridges as I probably should. There are certain people that I put up with so much from and forgive them so quickly. Why is this? Some relationships get so much more attention than others. I guess I look at the give/take ratio for most of them. But there are a few where the give part on my side is way greater than the take part. So why do I put up with this instead of burning those bridges and moving on?

I really don't know what the answer is to that question. I find it funny though with some relationships how I can be so sure and set on giving up on it and putting it in my past. I guess these quickly abandoned relationships are typically ones that never matured and went anywhere. And now they don't have that chance because I've decided to be done with them. I'm not even giving them a fair chance. But in reality, I feel everyone has to pick and choose what to put their energy into. There simply isn't enough energy and time to put equal amounts into every relationship I have. So therefore I pick and choose the ones most important to me or the ones that I think are the most important.

I do wish I could figure out a way to stop saving those relationships that don't necessarily deserve it though. Maybe one day I will be brave enough to burn those bridges but for some unknown reason I continue to put more effort into them than they really deserve. I guess some people have a stronger hold on me than I thought.


Peace.

It's about time.

As much as I complain about the smallness of Sioux Falls, I may have to eat my words. Looks like networking in this small town may have paid off. Finally.

More to come as I learn more about this possible venture.

A glimpse of the future?

I recently was told by two good friends that I would make a good cougar. Not the animal, but the middle aged woman who preys on younger men. This comment made me laugh a lot but I think they were mostly serious. I have also never seen two people agree on something so quickly.

They are pretty cute.

I can't really see myself preying on younger men as I tend to be attracted to older men nowadays. I guess my mentality could change, but there is just something wonderfully yummy about older men. But I digress...

I guess I'll take this as a somewhat compliment because cougars are usually pretty hot for being 40+. If I'm single in my 40's and looking good who knows maybe I'll try to snag a 20 something hottie.

Worked for Demi...

But alas I still have a solid 17 years before I am 40 and a lot can happen in those years...like becoming a puma when I'm 30 and working my way to a cougar status. (Just kidding folks.)

Stay classy kids!

Peace.

Ah some perspective...

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently focusing mostly on my misfortunes in life. Sure I've been let down quite a bit in the past week or so, but I need to stop dwelling on it. We all have to deal with misfortune and bad times at some point, but the fact is we deal and move on.

It is so easy to play the 'woe is me' role and sometimes it's needed. Just like sometimes sobbing uncontrollably on my floor is needed. It is a release and I feel better after doing it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm done focusing on the bad in my life, even though not everything has been resolved. It will get resolved eventually because it has to one way or another and worrying or dwelling on it will not change that. That is just a fact of life that I sometimes lose sight of.

I have so much going for me and so many good things in my life to focus on. I also think things are starting to look up. I have some upcoming opportunities so now it is time to examine those options and pick the best one for me to start working towards. I need to figure out what is best for me and my life.

So I welcome the changes with open arms because I have not been so happy with how things have been going.

It also helps to remember that in a little over 2 weeks I'll be in Hawaii. So aloha bitches.

Status pending.

This past week or so, my life has just been one disappointment after another. Really. I'm not sure how much more I can take so things better improve soon.

If the universe is punishing me for some reason, I really want to know why and what I did. Life's starting to seem cruel and I'm not a fan of cruelness.

My high hopes for 2010 are staring to decrease a bit and that saddens me.

Faking forgetfulness.

I want to write about memory. I don't mean to brag but I have a pretty good memory. So good that sometimes I wish I didn't remember as much as I do. I realize how crazy it sounds to wish that I had a worse memory, but sometimes I think it would just make things in life easier.

For example, when meeting new people, names are often forgotten by most. Well not by me. In fact I often will fake forgetting some one's name just to fit in. I think it will come across as creepy or something if I remember some one's name that I have only met once. Maybe silly, but just my thinking.

Also I think if I didn't remember the little things people say, it wouldn't affect my feelings as much. I would experience less hurt because I wouldn't be able to dwell on something someone said that seemed important at the time but clearly they don't remember it. Their words were not important enough for them to remember but yet I remember them. It just sucks sometimes.

I do like the fact that I remember many trivial facts from geography to sharks to sports to politics and typically have something to add to a conversation. I really try to cram as much random knowledge in my memory as possible because I like to be well informed about what's going on in the world. So maybe having a good memory isn't sooo bad...

But alas I suppose I should embrace my good memory because as I get older I'm sure the sharpness will fade. So for the time being, I will just continue to fake a bad memory sometimes, mostly when meeting new people, for the sake of fitting in.

And just remember if you talk to me and say something of importance, you better remember saying it because I more than likely will.

Peace and love.

Ain't no rest for the wicked.

I have had a bit of difficulty in shutting my mind down lately; mostly when I try to go to sleep at night. I feel tired earlier in the evening but when I actually lie down for the night, my mind just keeps jumping around and analyzing things. It's quite frustrating since this is about the 4th night in a row.

I rarely have insomnia and typically sleep like a baby. (Sweet cooing noises included, just ask Alaina who has witnessed them.) I feel refreshed after a solid 9 hours. I like my sleep.

So why am I not falling asleep now? I guess I just have a lot to mull over in my head these days. I am also more stressed out than normal for various reasons. I suppose until solutions are thought of and put into action falling asleep at a normal time is out of the question.

Lets hope my stress level reduces soon because I like my beauty sleep and the crankiness will start to emerge. Mark my words.