Not so 'pawsome'.

Recently on 20/20 they did a story on crazy cat ladies. Apparently a documentary or something was going to feature these 3 women and their obsession with cats. They ranged in age from 30's to 60's. The number of cats owned ranged from one woman, the one in her 30's, having 16 cats to another having 123 cats. (Yikes!)

The experts claim that there are underlying reasons for why people become crazy cat ladies and these women just reach that breaking point and take up this attachment with cats. Whether it be relationship issues, family issues, or even self worth issues due to job loss or a major change in their lives, something just causes them to snap and try to get what they are longing for from cats. We all know that cats can't be a fix for issues of that magnitude, but these women seem to be oblivious to that fact.

Me and my baby Emma.

I am a cat lover myself and even have paw prints tattooed on my foot, yet I can't and hope I don't ever become a crazy cat lady. I can't see my life ever going that way, but if it starts to unravel and I start taking in as many cats as possible, please stop me at 5. Thanks in advance.

Peace.

Hopefully less is more.

I really love writing about my thoughts and feelings and putting them down right here in my blog, for you and the rest of the world to read. (Shout out to whomever visited my blog from Europe; you made my day.)

But there are some things I want to write about that are just too personal for my beloved blog. So to help with the craziness that is my thoughts bouncing around my head, I've purchased a journal. Technically it's a travel journal, but it has a map on it and I have a thing for maps so it was a done deal. Also though I am not currently physically traveling from place to place, I like to think I'm traveling through life. So it was a perfect fit.

It's my baby and I carry it around with me everywhere just in case inspiration or frustration hits.

She's a beauty.

I guess what I am trying to get at is that I may blog even less or when I do, it might have a different tone since this isn't my only outlet anymore. My posts will probably be less personal, but who really wants to read about my problems and frustrations in my life? My blog will hopefully be more positive and therefore be love. So keep reading and I promise to try and keep it interesting.

As always, thanks for reading.

Where am I?

My blog is having an identity crisis, not me. But therefore the name has changed and may or not change again.

It's my prerogative after all.

Got a dart and a map?

If I could throw a dart to a map to pick a place to live, I would. One day, I want to pack up all my things, or at least the important things, and move. Preferably to a different country. I want to experience life somewhere else than America so badly. I am convinced that other places do it better than we do. I just need to find those places. And if they aren't so great, I will just come back to good old America.

With that, here is the most current list of the places that I want to live someday. I started to make a list of all the places I want to visit, but it is way too long.

Possible places of habitation as of 10/21/09:

• Copenhagen, Denmark

• Seattle, Washington

• New Orleans, Louisiana

• Denver, Colorado

• Vancouver, BC, Canada

• San Diego, California

• Somewhere in Spain*

• Somewhere in Norway*

• Santiago, Chile

*I need to do a bit more research on Spain and Norway to narrow down cities. Really, I think mostly anywhere in Spain would be great and Norway made its way onto the list by being named the best place to live in the world. And people jump off mountains there.

Sidenote: After looking this list over, it looks like I have a thing for mountains...

I realize that not all of these are practical and therefore have some options still in the US. Yet it would be so great to just move somewhere brand-new and foreign. How scary, yet exciting. I don't want the consumer driven life we have in America. I want to pay more in taxes in order to have good health care and just take care of each other. I want to live in a place where you can have a year of paid maternity leave and let your baby sleep safely outside in front of your house, like Copenhagen, Denmark. Any place where people live more organically and in tune with the earth and life.


I'm such a dreamer.

Stir-crazy.

I don't know exactly how many days I've been unemployed, but it feels like forever. It was nice at first, but now I'm starting to think I'm losing valuable skills by basically sitting around everyday reading and filling out job applications. For example, talking sometimes is a struggle as of late. I have no other language to rely on, so I really need my English speaking skills to be above average or at least average. I have a friend who was out of the country for a while, so now when he tries to speak English sometimes certain words still escape him. To make up for this lack of vocabulary, he whistles and gestures to make his point and it usually works out for him. Crazy. I would do this, but alas, I still can't whistle. (I wonder if that is a skill I will ever pick up...)

So I apologize in advance if I have a conversation with you and struggle with my words. Just remember to give me a break because besides my roomie, Jude (my hipster jade plant) is typically who/what I talk to on a daily basis.

Therefore, I am going crazy. I desperately want to be doing something with my life or at least something relevant to living the life I desire. But the more I think about the life I desire, I wonder if I really even know what I want. Yes there are things I want to achieve but how do I want to spend all of that other time either leading up to or after those things. I tend to be someone who looks forward to the bigger things coming up in my life and ignore what's happening to lead up to those bigger things. I feel I am getting better at embracing the smaller things and learning to embrace more of the present situations I am in. But a part of me is always looking to the future and willing the time to go faster.

Deep breaths have become a big part of my life to try to counter these urges. Sometimes I like to just take a deep breath and really take in my surroundings. Other times I do it just to try and relax myself. But for whatever reason, I do it all the time now without realizing it; I just did it while typing this. It is my hope that it will help to focus on my surroundings more and really take in my life. Because these smaller moments and events are my life. Maybe not going to be the most memorable, but I am trying to be more conscious of it all which will hopefully help me to figure out what I want out of life, big and small moments combined.

I guess this time of not working has been a pretty good reflection time for myself and my overall focus. When I least expect it, something comes into my life and changes it. Whether positive or negative isn't important after a while because we deal with it either way. And that's life.

I like these...

'As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live' - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

And in the lyrical genius that is Jason Mraz...'go make your life, not a living'.

Black and blue marks everywhere.

This past weekend was beautiful. Saturday was especially beautiful. Too beautiful to nap away. I spent most of the day with Emily. First, driving her around as she made some Cagey appearances and second, biking the entire 19 mile trail around Sioux Falls.

It was quite the adventure and I wanted to quit numerous times throughout the journey. But Emily, being the great friend and motivator that she is, encouraged me along. The pain increased along the journey, starting in the butt region. Bicycle seats are so uncomfortable and I have never experienced so much pain from them. Around mile 10 or 11, my leg muscles started burning. This was great as we still had 8 or 9 miles to bike. At least this new pain made the pain in my ass less noticeable. I wanted to quit and call someone to come pick us up but we were north out by the airport and nowhere near a road. Also, I couldn't think of someone who drove something big enough to fit us and the bikes in it for the rescue. Emily didn't want to leave the bikes behind anyways.

So we carried on and finally finished it 4 hours later. Not a very impressive time, but considering that neither of us bike much, I don't think we did too bad. I was so sore at the end, even my knuckles and fingers ached. Em and I parted ways, I went home, ate food as I was famished, showered, and fell asleep at 9 pm on the couch. What a great end to a great Saturday.



I'm trying really hard to be a good person to everyone I know and encounter which is really difficult sometimes. Sometimes my feelings are hurt and I just try to suck it up and keep going. I have a friend who questions our intentions as humans to be and do 'good'. He just doesn't get it when I try to explain that I want to try and be a good person and treat others well because that is how I want to be treated, even if those others treat me badly. Usually it works for me, but sometimes the exchange gets muddled a bit. I really think this friend just likes to try and challenge me, but his thoughts really make me question things sometimes.

I bake to clear my head, much like why I blog. Tonight I baked cookies and blogged.

So there you go.

Peace and love.

This is me.

I was going to be on a blogging sabbatical until October 1st, but I am breaking my silence. (Haha.)

Why all of a sudden? I guess I am just feeling it now and figured I should embrace it. I tend to blog when I am feeling too many things to sort out in my head, yet I don't know how to put it into words right now.

Things are going fairly well in my life, besides the no job situation. I am starting to panic a bit which helps me to get something done I suppose and therefore apply for more jobs. I'm not to the point of losing sleep (that is when I know it's bad) and I hope to avoid that. I really like my sleep.

I spent a great weekend with two great friends and we saw a great performer. We made many memories and they made being in a car for 24 hours in 3 days tolerable, which is saying a lot. Jason Mraz was the main focus of the trip and well worth it. He is amazingly talented and it was the best concert I have ever been to. It was also in the Denver area and Denver will always hold a special place in my heart. I love it there and can really see myself living in that area some day.

Anyways, one of the things I love about Jason Mraz is his attitude which is apparent from his music and blog. It's like he exudes love. He always seems positive and at peace with life. He is very insightful and I wish I was more like him. I want to exude love. But as much as I try, I seem to slip up more often than not. I try to tell myself that I need to make myself happy but I just wish I didn't care so much about what my friends and others I care about think. It seems I can't make them all happy and myself happy at the same time. Either I have to sacrifice or their feelings get hurt. It's a bit of a catch-22 I guess. Which reminds me, I want to read that book sometime.

Well I suppose that is enough for now. Sorry it's not the peppy upbeat return to my blog that I wanted to dazzle everyone with.

Peace and love.