Use somebody

I'm just going to start this by stating that this past week was a rather crappy one. It was full of disappointments about various things in my life. And here I had such high hopes for '09...

I sometimes wonder if I am just the type of person that unknowingly sets themselves up for disappointment. It is funny because I usually don't let little let downs bother me, but lately it has just been one after another. I tend to get through life by looking forward to things in the near or even far future. I don't like that I do it, but I do. It's how I deal with my current situation, but lately the little things I have been looking forward to haven't been happening as I would like or even at all.

I feel used a lot. I feel that I am used by some people (no one in particular) however they want, yet when I need them, I just don't get it back. Maybe I am too nice and want to be there for everyone but for once, just once, I want someone to put as much effort into being my friend as I put into being theirs. It is frustrating.

Am I really the type of person that lets others use and use them with nothing in return? I am beginning to think that I am or maybe I expect too much of others.

I just don't know anymore.

I need to get a grip on my future

So here I am only 2 days into my last actual semester as an undergrad, and I am already dreading it. It is going to be more challenging than I would like and yes, I like things easy. So classes should be interesting and lets throw finding an internship for the summer on top of that. And then after that, I suppose a job!

I was chatting with a relative, who shall remain unnamed, and she was asking me about graduation details, etc. and I guess I didn't express the correct amount of enthusiasm for the whole event to which she commented, "You don't sound ready for it?" and honestly, she summed my feelings up nicely even though I thought it was a little rude, but whatever. I'm not ready for it. I feel like life came at me at an incredibly fast speed and now I am struggling to keep up with it and watching it go by.

I mean most of my friends who are graduating this spring also don't necessarily have jobs or definite plans. That would be besides my nursing buds. They seem to have it all planned out. But the rest of us seem rather clueless or unsure of the next step.

I really do believe that everything will find a way to work out because it always does. At least it always has for me. I need to learn to sit back and not stress so much which hurts my jaw as I tend to convert my stress into jaw tension. I clench my teeth like no one's business which can be very painful and I have been doing it a lot lately. *sigh*

I guess I will just keep my fingers crossed and keep chasing my dreams/life.

Because I do this...

I need one of these.

Or maybe a high-end model like this one. Sexy.

Tattoos

I have many ideas for tattoos and as a result, I have my next 3 pretty much decided on. I'm not quite sure on the order of them. I like them all for different reasons and cannot deem one more important or better than the others. Maybe I should just get them all at the same time but I don't know if my pain tolerance is high enough or if my bank account could handle it.

Yet, my biggest challenge in my quest to be inked is all about placement. I don't really know where to put the tats on my body. It's tough because I feel like I don't have many placement options which is really ridiculous if you think about it; I mean I have plenty of skin...

As I'm typing this post, I'm thinking it is really rather irrelevant to many things and I think I will just stop with it...but I will be sure to post pictures whenever I decide to go through with my desired tattoos.

A quickie...

I have the best friends in the world.

No question about it.

Yay me.

There's gotta be more than this...

So it has been about 10 days since I returned from Hawaii and I still want to go back. Or just be anywhere than where I am now. This is not a new feeling for me, I often get this restless, 'I want to change my life' feeling after I go visit some place new. It happened after New Orleans, Denver, and now, Honolulu. It just reaffirms my desire to move and venture out into the world, as scary as that can be for me to think about.

Part of what I am missing...

I hate that I feel this way about where I am right now in life. Maybe it's my quarter-life crisis or I guess maybe I am just ready for a change and it can't come soon enough. I just want to be happy with where I am and feel like I am doing something productive to live the life I want and desire.

But on the upside, life is not so terribly bad. Despite my restlessness, I have a lot to be appreciative about. Especially, my new niece. She is wonderful and adorable, even though she isn't even a week old. I am excited to see her grow and to be a part of her life. I can't wait to see how she views the world and I will hopefully have positive influence on her. I want to be that fun aunt that comes to visit and brings the most awesome gifts and is admired. I just want to be there for her if she ever needs me.

My niece

Overall, winter break was good to me and probably one of the best times of my life. I got to see and experience so many new things. So even though I am back in my dull and monotonous life, every now and then a great opportunity comes by and and I am always ready to jump on and enjoy the ride.

Here I go...

So I've never been one to make New Year's Resolutions because of the disappointment factor. It seems to me that people tend to set themselves up for failure whether they resolve to lose weight, quit smoking, or reduce stress. (Thanks Kelo-land news for those top resolution ideas!) But this year is different.

If it is not already obvious, my resolution for 2009 is to start blogging my life. Now it might not seem like much, but it is something I have wanted to do for quite some time now. It should be interesting since I've never been good at keeping a diary or journaling, but I'm going to give it a shot. This year should be rather eventful for me and I am going to try to document all of the decisions and changes I make.

Well, it's early on January 4 and I would say I'm off to a good start.