Jumper

I have been thinking a lot lately about what I should do with my life come the end of August. Should I stay in SF, get a random job, and ride the year out? Or do I apply for jobs in random cities I want to live in and pack up and leave? I truly am torn. Part of me wants nothing more than to get out of here; my friend said you could even hear the desperation in my voice. Not good. Yet, the practical side of me says to stay, work, and save up money...it's only a year. A year isn't much time but sometimes it can feel like a lifetime.

I've always told myself that as soon as I can make a run for it, I'm getting the hell out of here. I have nothing holding me down and have done that somewhat on purpose. I push guys away that may want to get close to me because I do not want to live here or have to change my plans to accommodate their plans. I'm selfish right now and am happily single because I choose to be so. I don't want to get attached to someone right now and not follow through with my dreams.

I'm being pulled in two directions. Should I be rational or irrational? How much money do you need to move away? I don't want to fail if I decide to go for it so maybe I should stay and work and save up money. But the thing is, I have never been good at saving. In fact, I really really suck at it. So what are the chances if I do stay for a year that I will actually save? I would say very slim unless I all of a sudden learn frugality and self discipline.

So what do I do? Just the thought of having to suffer through another SD winter makes me want to cry in despair. I just don't want to deal with it anymore.

Now that the chance to do something big is before me, I don't know whether to jump or not. Maybe I'm afraid to jump. I know I'm a little apprehensive, but it's hard not to be. I mean this isn't a little move I'm hoping to make; it's all or nothing which adds more fear and excitement to the situation.

I'm thinking about a little vacation in September and I know if I go, I won't want to come back.

Maybe that's the push I need to make the jump.